Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize