The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just had sex on a roof
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
