dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
