my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
