Whod you bang
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
