I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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