soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
