i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
