Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
