he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
