So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
