i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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