I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
