dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
