Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
