You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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