don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
