Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
look no pants
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
