Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize