thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
