Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
