Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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