so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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