im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize