U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
