It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
