Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
