Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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