I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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