You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
