end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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