Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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