I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
