i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
