youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize