is your mom at the bar?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
