There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
