Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
