he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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