I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
