So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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