rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
