Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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