He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
