I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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