I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
