Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize