I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
