I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
