so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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