She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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