It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
