I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
