apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
