I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
