So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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