Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
