My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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