I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
