lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
