He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
