oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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