I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
