So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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