his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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