shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
