All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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