It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
