from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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