WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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