is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
