how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
