I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
