if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
