Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
