I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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