dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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