Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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