At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
