For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
