Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
