I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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