Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
