just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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