So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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