You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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