im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
