im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
