Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
