Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
