She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
