Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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