The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
