You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
