Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
