You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
