If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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