Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
