Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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