I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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