I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
