she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
