I'm so fucking centered right now
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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