Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
