Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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