Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
